When a Grandparent needs to Speak Up-Truth or Consequences

This post was written by Valerie on January 20, 2012
Posted Under: Grandma Quotes

Is that a real Tattoo????

When you become a grand parent and you are vested in being a great grandparent there are some dos and don’ts about when to speak up about your grand child and when to keep quiet. Should a young child for example get a tattoo? Should they cut their hair because you don’t like it long?

It all depends on your relationship with your child and their spouse. If you don’t feel you have the right relationship and that speaking out about the small stuff might lead to you not being welcome to visit you have a dysfunctional relationship. How did it get that way? Years of training. Maybe you raised your child to do things a certain way and now they don’t agree or their spouse doesn’t and your child won’t be in the middle of the disagreement between you and their spouse. You just might loose. Maybe you don’t agree with things you see happening in the home but as long as that child is loved and unharmed just love and don’t judge. I know I had forgotten how hard it is to get the kids ready for school and get to my job and then come home and cook dinner/help with their homework and get to my work assignments after I got the kids to bed. Remember when you were a parent and if you held a job also. It is really hard to balance it all. Parents need slack. A healthy relationship would be one that you can offer help if they need it and let them decide. No judging.

By the way the picture is a pretend wash off tattoo and I love my grand son’s hair long or short. To me that is the parents call.  I love every hair on that child’s head and even real tattoos won’t change that.

Sometimes things are more serious and life threatening and here are some examples:

You just observed a parent slapping their child in a grocery store. What would you do? Or when you walked by a parked car with all the windows rolled up and it was a hot day and you saw alone in their car seat. Would you speak up then–go look for help. Break the window or call 911?

I would like to think that if you ever saw a child being abused or treated incorrectly you would speak up and get help.

Now what if you come to visit your grand child and find a small infant put in a high chair with a spoon/food and the parent expecting that the child should be able to feed themselves under a year old-and you can see the baby can’t get the food to their mouth. If that parent is not your child do you worry about speaking out only to be band from seeing your grand child? This is not fiction this is a ture story I heard their story and fully understood the dilemma.

I can’t speak for another grand mother but I do know from many years working in the school district the stories kids and parents and grand parents have shared. If a grand parent’s daughter-in-law or son-in-law hears you critizing them or even reporting them to the authorities you could loose your rights to see your grand child not in a court of law but the parent’s law.

Reality is they can move away and you may never be able to find them. It happens and if that concern scares you how do you do the right thing for your grand child?

I remember in training as a Flight Attendant (one of my first jobs) to be sure to put the oxygen on you and then your child. The logic is if you pass out your child won’t make it if they are an infant because they can’t hold the oxygen mask on themselves.  You loose two people.

Outside of an airplane you must make sure that child has oxygen–to breathe to be protected. When it comes to getting your grand child the help they need do not worry about the future and seeing your grand child because if you dont’ get help that child may not have a future.  Children are entitled to shelter/food/holding and a safe environment. It is important to get children help either through Child Protective Services or the Police and you can report anonymously.

Also, listen to your grand child. If your grand child shares a story about not liking recess ask them why? Is someone bothering them at recess? Then let the parent know so they can talk to their child and hear what is causing them difficulty and get the help they need.

Keep communication open for everyone’s sake. Please share your stories about how you can improve communications skills and help others.

I would love to hear from you and learn from your experiences.

 

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